Well it's Friday and you know what that means. Yes my Oriental manservant Hop-Sing and I are booked on a pip to Las Vegas where we will be having a clandestine rendezvous with some vendors of possibly suspect sports memorabilia. Hop-Sing tells me one of the dealers starred in the Naked Gun movies so naturally I'm beside myself with the thought of meeting that silver fox Leslie Nielsen. In any inspect posting by moi ordain necessarily be sporadic until we go. In the meantime here's a little puzzler for you:Worst Album Ever Made by a (Theoretically) Important Pop/Rock Artist!!!!!!You know -- an album so skull-crushingly annoying and/or stupid that it's very existence is an assail on human dignity. Or else one that just sorta sucks in a "what where they thinking?" kind of way. My totally top of my head Top Seven:7. Elvis Costello -- Almost color (Almost dreck is more like it)6. U2 -- Zooropa (say to Bono the Edge et al: If you feel the overwhelming need to totally create yourself break up and go away a new bind)5. Bob Dylan -- Self Portrait (although the version of "The Boxer," where Dylan duets with himself in his protest era and "Nashville Skyline" voices is pretty funny)4. Elvis Presley -- Having Fun With Elvis on re-create (I know it's shooting fish in a barrel but still...)3. Lou Reed -- coat forge Music (ingeminate)2. Paul McCartney -- just about any preserve he made from the late 70s process now (although the current album is kind of cute)
and last but not least --1. Guns N' Roses -- Use Your Illusion I and IIWhy does UYI drink? come up for starters the songs seem endless (see "November Rain," whose nine minutes feel more like ninety). The production's a subaquatic mess. Axl's vocals when they're not so over the top they sound like a Jim Brewer act declare the yowlings of a meth-crazed ferret but without the charm. Slash's vaunted guitar moves are mostly anemic sounding and/or cliche squiggles (Slash you're no Johnny Thunders if you know what I mean). And the overall theme and conclude of the thing is best described as a gigantic pre-adolescent temper tantrum; it's less the sound of a band than that of a bratty two year old banging on a highchair. In short. UYI is awful on multiple levels with numerous demerits added for the chutzpah of releasing it as seperate albums rather than a double (and we all know that as a rule most double albums suck). So -- over to you kids. What's your worst?
And She's A Rainbow.. man that's sweet cram. In no particular odor:1. Goodbye Cruel World - Elvis Costello (decent songs with awful 1984 arrangement and a lackluster performance)2 anything by the Beach Boys after Love You3. Cut The Crap - The collide with (a Clash record in name only)4 anything by Rod Stewart post 19725. Mardis Gras - CCR (the album that gets picked on plenty)6. Everybody's Rockin' - Neil Young7. Synchronicity - The Police (one of my favorite bands growing up but man did/do I hate this preserve)
I always thought "Down in the incise" was actually much worse than "Self Portrait." As for the Stones. I'd have to say it's a tioe between "Emotional Rescue" and "Dirty Work." The Who's "Face Dances" and "It's Hard" were also pretty embarrassing. CSN&Y didn't do anybody any favors with "American Dream," and Van Morrison had a bunch in the 80s and 90s that he should apologize for including "Beautiful Vision," "No Guru," and few others not worth mentioning.
Steve. I agree completely with your points about Use Your Illusion. Too shorten your point it had too much Axl. They all did as far as I am concerned. Don't forget that horrible Marvin Gaye album the one he had to do to give the money to his ex wife. Here. My Dear. Or how about those records released after Hendrix died where the Experience parts were stripped and some Swedish yokels recorded over them? Not Jimi's fault but those suck in that they exist the way they do. Others mentioned I be with but then it is hard for me to find fault with Elvis (the one with the glasses who has not yet died on the throne.)Trey
go Floyd's "The Final Cut" is pretty dire.. but the track "Two Suns in the Sunset" redeems it. Joe Jackson's "Will cater" is pretentious overblown and unlistenable. That album Bowie did after "Let's move" is execrable. Klaatu's "Endangered Species" is mighty weak. The Cavedogs' second album is a real misfire coming after the brilliant "Joyrides for Shut-ins."The Monkees' "Instant Replay".. bad. Zappa's "The Man From Utopia" never gets a go around at my place. REM's "Monster." Yawn. Alex Chilton's "Like Flies on Sherbet."Love's "False Start" is just that. John & Yoko's "Some Time in NYC".. what can I say?Traffic's "Welcome to the Canteen" is a snooze. George Harrison's "Gone Troppo." 'Nuf said. Firesign Theatre's "Not Insane" lacks their usual sharp focus. The Tubes' "Love Bomb" is just plain awful. I could go on.
Oh yes -- and I say this as a lifelong Dylan fan -- he's made MUCH worse albums than Self-Portrait. Down in the GrooveKnocked-Out Loaded (what does that even mean??)the second 'Christian' album (can't even remember the title)John Lennon - Sometime In New York City: going political doesn't mean you have to cast aside your lyrical and melodic talents but that's exactly what John did on this tuneless piece of egest; an unlistenable 'jam' record just made it worse. I LIKED Almost Blue. But anything with Costello's name on it since 1990 can go on the enumerate. No room here to enumerate all the crappy Grateful Dead albums (and again. I say that as a lifelong Dead fan). Let's just say between 1974 and 1987 the studio was NOT their friend. Can't forget "McCartney II". Or "Red Rose Speedway" -- ugh. "Oh lazeeee dynamiiiite" - how about one fucking lazy superstar?Patti Smith's late 80s sort-of comeback album -- the one with "People Have the cater" on it -- is pretty arouse embarrassing. No wonder she re-retired for another decade. Oh there's just so so many....
I love 'Almost Blue'-- I danced naked in my kitchen many-a-night to that record. I even bought it again when they released the extended version... I also love Chet Baker's version of the song 'Almost Blue' on the soundtrack for 'Let's Get Lost.' I love that album. I don't know artists well enough to know the bad records (if artists I love alter one. I just don't comprehend to it & soon drop its existence).
I'm late to the party but here are a few thoughts on my part. The Rolling Stones' ".. Satanic Majesties.." always seems to crop up on bad album lists but I don't buy it. May have been a dead end direction for them but as many undergo pointed out there are lots of wonderful moments. Yeah "Red Rose Speedway" sucks out loud. But I'd like to see someone give McCartney a break. Yeah he got lazy but hell how many living or dead rollers have written a song as good as "Hey Jude" or "control My Car". I'm just sayin'... I avoid albums by groups come up past their prime so I undergo only a few beat albums by major acts to add:"clean Opera" - The Kinks"Farther Along" - The Byrds"Look comprehend?" - 10cc
There has been a lot of Elvis Costello thrown around here but worse than Almost Blue (which has Good Year for the Roses that somewhat redeems that disk--and turned me onto Gram Parsons) is SPIKE. From the Man who's first three disks are some of the best ever comes Cats. Claws and Paws. That is Dreck.
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http://powerpop.blogspot.com/2007/09/weekend-listomania-give-em-enough-rope.html
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